Book Review of Esther Dhanraj's Unbaptized

In the discourse surrounding Christian missionary activity in India today, the converts’ perspective is not always given the primacy it deserves. Some derisive portrayals make the converts out to be “sheep” that have meekly surrendered to the Church and are bereft of free will or independent thinking; they are simply seen as pawns in a game much larger than their ordinary existences. Or, as Dhanraj herself points out, they are called “ricebags,” people who lack sophistication and cannot see beyond simple material inducements. To infantilize these converts through such portrayals obscures their stories and their humanity, something that we must consciously desist from.

Part of the difficulty, too, in properly appreciating converts’ true perspective is that those who have converted and are still in the faith often give “testimonies” that are trumpeted by pastors and missionaries to encourage more converts; thus, the objectivity of these pronouncements is very much questionable. Further, those who have exited Christianity — Extians, as Dhanraj terms them — are often loath to speak out. As Dhanraj narrates from her own experience, they often apprehend (and receive) tremendous blowback from their own former brothers and sisters in the faith.

It is in this context that the reader should approach Unbaptized. It sheds light on a perspective that the public does not often hear. Further, as Dhanraj underscores, Unbaptized is an “Indian story” and is thus uniquely positioned to tell the story of Christianity in a uniquely Bhāratīya context, as opposed to a Western one. Reading Unbaptized highlights the fact that an observer cannot attain a complete understanding of Christianity in India today without appreciating the vantage point of someone who has both entered and emerged from the faith.

Dhanraj begins her account by narrating the circumstances in which her family entered into Christianity, forsaking their ancestral Hindu faith and practice. At this juncture in the story, a young Dhanraj very much comes across as the proverbial girl next door; her middle-class family, situated in Hyderabad, was quite unremarkable, all things considered. Dhanraj skillfully narrates how her family was initially exposed to Christianity amidst the backdrop of tragedy and how, over time, they finally became part of the faith. What is striking in Dhanraj’s telling of these events is how the seemingly indefatigable efforts of the proselytizer brush up against the unsupported resistance of the proselytized. In other words, the proselytizer can fail a hundred times, but the cumulative effect of their labors, supported by an organized ecosystem and often powered by foreign funding, is enough to topple the resistance of their target on the hundred and first attempt. Dhanraj ably demonstrates that the initial process of proselytization in an Indian context is often not grounded in doctrinal preaching; rather, it is founded in quenching a very real desire for material and psychological solace that the potential convert’s Hindu co-religionists have been unwilling or unable to address. Dhanraj identifies this crucial lacuna in the existing Hindu ecosystem and calls for addressing it.

Dhanraj then proceeds to narrate how she personally became invested in Christianity, over and above her parents’ conversion; how she was led to believe that she was “chosen” to play a unique role in the Church, and how she was even evangelized by children her age. Simultaneously, her parents became more and more deeply rooted in Christianity even as its initial allure began to fade. One particularly memorable incident that Dhanraj recounts is the sudden passing of one of her brothers from complications stemming from Type 1 diabetes. He died even though he was only in his twenties and was baptized. Dhanraj nods to the irony of the moment; if her brother died when he was Hindu, proselytizers would likely have used the event as fodder to underscore the powerlessness of Hindu deities and Jesus’ salvific powers. Yet, now that the family was Christian, the pastor who was ministering to Dhanraj’s family milked the tragedy as an opportunity to extirpate one of the last remnants of the family’s Hindu identity, namely her grandmother’s pūjā mandira. Another anecdote that Dhanraj mentions, later in the book, concerns her mother being pressured to remove her tilakam, a deeply personal symbol of a Hindu woman’s identity.

This sort of brazen opportunism, which Dhanraj repeatedly writes of, particularly at moments of tragedy, is one of the most disturbing elements of her memoir. It emerges again when Dhanraj’s father was on his deathbed, suffering from COPD, and privately voiced to her doubts about Christianity that had haunted him throughout his life, after he had converted. As Dhanraj, a dutiful Christian at the time, reckoned with her father’s piercing questions, she was goaded on by the pastor counseling her family to encourage her father to “let go” — in essence, to give up his fight for life.

It is doubt —  the very doubt that Dhanraj’s father wrestled with in his final moments — that drove her in her own re-examination of her Christian faith. Her zeal to become a Christian apologist and to defend her faith with theological rigor led her to a seminary in the United States, where she pursued a Master’s in Divinity degree. And it is in this process of formal study, Dhanraj tells us, that she realized that Christianity had fundamental doctrinal inconsistencies and gaps that led her to renounce the faith. Dhanraj’s telling is greatly enriched by her accessible discussion of various theological concepts in Christianity, which is quite beneficial for a lay reader who is unfamiliar with the faith’s doctrinal contours. Her explanations reveal her scholarly knowledge, and the works that she cites in her footnotes are useful references for those who want to further study the points she raises. Regardless of whether the reader agrees with Dhanraj’s theological views, her intellectual honesty and clarity of thought are admirable. Though Dhanraj’s initial entry into Christianity had little to do with theology and doctrine, these factors were the very impetus for her exit from the faith.

As Dhanraj acknowledges, others have, over the centuries, reckoned with the same theological questions that she poses but have still remained Christians. However, one cannot help but think, after reading her narrative, that if she had been exposed to Christianity’s theological foundations at the outset, when her family was initially presented with the option of converting, she could have made an informed decision about whether to adopt the faith. Perhaps this is a proposition that any reasonable person reading Dhanraj’s narrative, Christians included, can agree with. This is, in my view, one of the key messages from the book: when entering into a faith, religious inquiry and doubt should be welcomed, not squelched. Dhanraj explains how, after a period where she was an “Extian” and struggled to find her own identity in the aftermath of shedding her former faith, she found that her ancestral Hindu faith offered her the opportunity to undertake a genuine intellectual inquiry.

This brings Dhanraj’s story full circle, in that she found her way back to the very roots that her family had severed its connection with, in adopting Christianity. Anyone seeking a serious understanding of Christianity in India should read her memoir. The fact that it is written in English, as opposed to Telugu or another Bhāratīya language, means that her story has a larger potential audience beyond India alone. Christians outside of India who are contributing money to “save souls” in Bhārata through their own parishes would do well to educate themselves about the havoc that their perhaps well-intentioned donations are wreaking. Indeed, Dhanraj’s story is one that the world needs to hear, for no one, regardless of their faith background, should countenance the trauma and cruelty that religious conversion caused her family and others like them.

One of the key planks of postcolonialist discourse today is foregrounding the voices of those who have traditionally been marginalized and ignored. Dhanraj’s work is an important step in that direction. Her voice is an important and powerful contribution in the areas of religious freedom and human rights, one that is worthy of serious consideration.