How Gurukulam Learning Differs from Regular Education - What I Learnt at AVG Part 2

Pūjya Svāmī Dayananda Saraswati ji would say: success is your ability to manage your desires…..where your desires do not create any problem for you. This took a while to internalize. In one’s youth the ‘heat of the moment’ is everything, so is ‘being a free-bird’. Spontaneous actions are complimented as natural and normal. But if those very actions cause harm to one’s spiritual growth or keep us tied to sorrow and fear then these are actions stemming from our habitual patterns not our true selves. Those who do what they are supposed to do and do not do what they are not supposed to do are called yathoktakāris. To be such, most of us need to work on ourselves; from a natural state we have to get to a refined, civilized state where we know how to sublimate and manage our desires, so that they are in line with dharma and do not transgress it. For nidhidhyāsanam to happen effectively i.e. for us to be in a meditative state where the one-ness is emphasized, even a small desire causes a problem. So we learn to give up on those desires which create preoccupations of insistence and resistance.

We learn to see things as they are, that the world is: 1. duhkha miśritatvāt 2. anityatvāt 3. bandhakatvāt, that the world is a source of joy and sorrow both, that everything in it is finite and limited, and that it causes bondage and dependency in us. Once we are able to ‘see’ this clearly, we release ourselves from this noose of binding desires, desires themselves are not an issue, as long as they are in line with dharma. Let everything in the world be in its proper place – not less or more – seeing something extra in them is śobhanādhyāsa, which creates binding obsessive desires, an obstacle in meditation. For example knowing the cost of an item is different from thinking that money is everything in life. We can enjoy everything as long as we bring it all back cognitively to ātmā. anātmā can be thought about but it should be understood as ātmā alone ultimately, bring everything back to ātmā always, do not get lost in nāma rūpa but come to asti bhāti priyam; anātmatvaena na chintayaet…concentrate on the IS-ness of everything not on its mere appearance and form. What ‘IS’ is īśvara and hence not to be disturbed, we ought to therefore conform to dharma which is a manifestation of īśvara too, and not go by our impulses alone. These insights and more I gleaned from my gurus.

Before joining the gurukulam my idea of the jnāna mārga was something which was sombre and intimidating. I could not be farther from the truth. The amount of bhakti I witnessed in my time here transformed me from a nonchalant sceptic to a bhakta. We were taught clearly that there are no separate paths to knowledge. Knowledge in itself is the complete vision of who and what we are, and this Self knowledge is the only way to liberation. jnānādaeva kaivalyam. To know we simply need to remove our ignorance and this can be done only by cleansing ourselves via selfless service and a heart filled with love. Bhajans help develop a loving affectionate heart. And what heartfelt evenings those were! Some of the best singers are from the AVG paramparā; Pūjya Svāmīji was not only a wonderful composer but also a great singer full of emotional depth and musical technique. Svāmī Sadatmananda ji’s deep voice and devotion comes through in his baritone singing. Svāmini Sumatmananda ji mesmerized us with her Thevarams and other Tamizh bhajans. Our satsangs would always start with songs, the power of group singing is something to be experienced, something I cherish fondly. Although the days of rock and roll and film music were long past, even classical music lost its appeal when I started studying Vedanta in earnest. Bhajans took over my being. Thanks to my gurus.

Towards this end, so that we get to know ourselves without the added pressures of the transactional world, Pūjya Svāmī Dayananda Saraswati ji would want us to have inner leisure at all times. He did not prescribe too many activities for us, nor was our gurukulam sevā driven as some others are. There is no point in reinforcing the small self which thrives on hustle bustle and comfortably rests on our ego if we are to discard it soon. We were free to come to class, or not. We were free to come to the temple, or not. We were free to attend meditation, or not. We were free to do sevā , or not. All activities rest on our body mind sense complex, it is in very rare instances that we can think of anything out of this apparatus. By reducing such mundane activities and exposing ourselves to śāstra which reinforces a reality that has no bearing on this body mind mechanism Svāmīji wished for us to experience the joy that comes with self discovery through knowledge – it is here yet I do not see it – within my grasp but I lose it quickly! So tenuous!

By relieving us of any expectations of a fixed time table (although all classes, temple activities, and meals went on as per schedule without fail), Pūjya Svāmīji wanted us to become aware of the timelessness and spacelessness of who we actually are. Of being willing to accept what comes spontaneously without worry or fear. The opposite of this type of accepting mind that he was preparing us for, is the questioning mind, the ignorant mind. While the surrendered mind is the bhakta mind, a quiet mind conducive for growth. When we constantly ask why why why, and when when when, we do not dwell on the what at all. Thankfully for most sādhakas this why-ing stops very soon after the initial adjustment period in a gurukulam as it is not encouraged much. Silence is, with a mauna vratam weekly if not more, to enable this accepting mind. This planned silence helps people to stay with themselves and within themselves. Else, there is too much chatter out there.

Today, kids and seniors alike are bombarded with images, messaging, advertisements, shows, entertainment, school work, there is no respite from social media from this bombardment. Gurukula vāsa provides this opportunity to silence the unwanted meaningless prattle. In fact it is quite aspirational to sport a mauna vratam tag and move about in public in these environs. Something academic institutions should adopt. Punishment in the form of silence is ennobling to both the punisher and the punished as it is liberating and elevating, not punishing; it encourages self reflection without reprimanding. Such silence is deep as it stops us from reacting to everything around us. We are freed from expectations. We are also freed from the banality of life – having to talk of what we have eaten or how we liked it, who said what to whom, and more such. We are also able to do better and more dhyāna when silence is a habit we have acquired through daily practice of speaking only when necessary.

Now, a lot of schools recognizing its value have started putting aside some time to train youngsters in meditation and breathing techniques in the West. As usual we in India have to play catch up to adopt our own knowledge systems and integrate them into our education policies and thereby in our institutions. But first we must understand that there are various types of dhyāna, what Vipassana teaches for example varies from what Advaita teaches as mind management. At AVG, meditation is not a means for escaping, it is a means to become objective about the problem, if the body has the problem, I meditate as the sākṣī of the body. Meditation in Vedānta or dhyāna is not thoughtlessness which is prescribed by some for achieving mental peace and quiet. Thoughtlessness is impossible to achieve and more so to sustain as our mind is made up of thoughts, in fact it is its job to think! Dhyāna is about managing our thoughts, being focussed on mahāvākyas, on vedāntika principles, revelling in our real Self-ānandoham, pūrṇoham, etc., it is a reactionless awareness and not the emptying of our minds as espoused by popular groups.

What happens when we constantly dwell on our joy, our completeness, our fullness? We are better prepared to face life’s tragedies. We don’t fall apart at the first blow, we can get up, brush aside the dust and start afresh. We don’t fall apart when this happens again and again either. We simply get up and get going. One area where a gurukulam and śāstra study adequately equips us is in teaching us how to deal with personal losses and tragedies via such knowledge and practices.

Sitting in the front row to the right of Pūjya Svāmīji, as he sat facing us on his chair, I had to be extra vigilant to be attentive, not to nod off into a quick nap. What with getting up early to make it in time for the 5.30am abhiśekam for Lord Dakṣiṇāmūrti followed by dhyānam, followed by a slew of Vedānta and Sanskṛtam classes the whole day, the Śrīmadbhagavad‌gītā class at 5.00pm seemed to help ease some of us into happy slumber! I shook myself awake just in time to see a figure rushing in and whisper something in Pūjya Svāmīji’s ear. This was unheard of! No one dare interrupt any class in this gurukulam, so how did this happen? Everyone was loud enough in their eager silence. Yet Svāmīji continued with his class after the man had left, as though nothing untoward had transpired, giving us no explanation. He cracked his usual jokes, he burst into cackles, he taught us

गतासूनगतासूंश्च नानुशोचन्ति पण्डिता:
gatāsūn-agatāsūnśh-ca nānuśhochanti paṇḍitāḥ

And left after an hour of enthralling us with the truth of our svarūpā. After a few days we had a feast in the dining hall, there was a photo of a recently departed person garlanded with fresh flowers, a lit lamp, burning agarbattī and lunch offerings were arranged in front of his picture. People started whispering – Pūjya Svāmīji’s pūrvāśrama brother died it seems, did you know? So that was what it was about, that man the other day rushing in to give Svāmīji the news. Note, I did not say ‘sad’ news. Looking at life as is, as facts, with open eyes, is what Vedānta teaches us. And it indeed did with a live example. It taught me to shift my question from ‘why me’ to ‘why not me’? From ‘what! Oh my god!’ to ‘so what!’. This drastically helped reduce the latent victim complex that lay in the deep recesses of my subconscious. Grief is cathartic upto a point but after that critical point dwelling on it constantly as a habit, that is victimhood. My gurus taught me by example to break that bad habit of indulging in pain and sorrow.

Dealing with death is something that is never taught in a secular institution, in any school. We do not discuss life, nor death, even though there is nothing more important than knowing how to handle both. The example of that day is so singed in my memory that when it was my turn to face death of a loved one I was able to garner enough emotional and psychological energies to deal with it, by simply emulating my guru, with the steady support of śāstra study and other teachers of course. Knowing that we never ‘die’ and that we are eternal helps in dealing with personal losses in a more objective manner. I did not ask ‘why me’, nor did I fall into depression. I simply held onto my teachers and my study more strongly than before. This knowledge is to be understood and not to be believed, it is experiential learning, and when it was put to test unexpectedly in the July of 2021, I can humbly say that it works.

Not everything at the gurukulam was so grim! Far from it. In fact I learnt more about living with ānanda staying under my guru’s loving affectionate care than anywhere else. One of the joys of living is eating delicious, nutritious food. And Pūjya Svāmīji was as much of a rasika of good culinary skills as he was of dance and music, or even cricket. When he talked of cooking, he would often say that a house is a home only when its kitchen fires are burning. When we cook daily we do it not just for us but for the pañca maha yajñas that we must perform everyday-to offer food to our devatās, ṛṣis, pitṛs, bhūtas, manuṣyas.

यज्ञशिष्टाशिन: सन्तो मुच्यन्ते सर्वकिल्बिषै:
भुञ्जते ते त्वघं पापा ये पचन्त्यात्मकारणात्

yajña-śiṣṭāśinaḥ santo mucyante sarva-kilbiṣaiḥ
bhuñjate te tvaghaṁ pāpā ye pacantyātma-kāraṇāt

The spiritually-minded, who eat food that is first offered, are released from all kinds of pāpa. Others, who cook food for their own enjoyment, verily eat only pāpa.

After I left the gurukulam I began cooking daily, thrice a day, not to simply satiate my tastebuds, not for trying out a variety of cuisines because I am bored with regularity but to feed those who depend on me. They eat and then I eat, else it is as good as my being a thief stealing food from nature’s kitchen. Apart from cooking fresh food for every meal, the kind of food I ate also changed. I was always a vegetarian but the intake of sātvika āhāra increased. It meant no more cheese, no more accepting engili bhojanam, not eating somebody’s leftovers, not eating food from the previous night, etc., all tāmasika food was out. Eating out was limited to office lunches and celebrations with friends. In the current day such strict practices are laughed at but it helps to surround ourselves with likeminded people who respect our choices and appreciate us for who we are and not mock us if we think or act differently.

यातयामं गतरसं पूति पर्युषितं च यत्
उच्छिष्टमपि चामेध्यं भोजनं तामसप्रियम्

yāta-yāmaṁ gata-rasaṁ pūti paryuṣitaṁ ca yat
uchiṣṭam api cāmedhyaṁ bhojanaṁ tāmasa-priyam

Foods that are overcooked, stale, putrid, polluted, and impure are dear to persons in the mode of ignorance

I started treating the kitchen, food, and cooking as a sacred space and activity not as a hobby. Talking while cooking stopped, so did getting up in the middle of a meal. There was no more eating while walking, standing, watching TV – as अन्नं ब्रह्म इति व्यजानात् annaṁ brahmeti vyajānāt, annam is brahman. food sustains and nourishes us, so we are ever reverential towards it. This would mean that we ought not to plaster cakes on our faces at birthday parties, ought not to throw food about or play with it, nor to critique food items and categorize them as good or bad, as tasty or terrible and we ought to definitely make sure that our plates are clean when we are done eating. And that we ought to share food easily and freely.

To not do any of the above, and to do what one is supposed to do per our sacred texts and counsel of the wise, we need to pay special attention to what we are doing. I was taught very early on by my mother to take stock every night of what I did the whole day and make note of what I could have done better, avoided altogether or could have done differently. Śāstra supports this, we cannot simply act out of our compulsions. A skill we often hear of but never actually teach children is this important life lesson; to be attentive, to do one thing at a time. Give me the full person as Pūjya Svāmiji would say, pay attention-dhyāsa peṭṭu-as my mother would goad. Multitasking is antithetical to what is taught at the gurukulam; to be present in the moment. To stop procrastinating, to do what is expected right away with complete attention, to serve, to study, to listen, to interact, every little act is suffused with our whole being, so that each transaction is a thing of beauty, something that enhances us in all areas be it spiritually, emotionally, physically. We cannot afford to ignore this basic skill.

We actively listen, actively work, actively answer. There are no half measures here. In the same breath, we are informed to not react but respond, to give the other person a chance. To resort to a two step reaction, a studied response by taking into consideration the person’s background and why they did what they did, by excusing the person not the behaviour. Knowing that everybody has a reason for doing something. Validating the person but not condoning the act if adhārmika. These are lifelines to deal with confrontations and conflicts. Many misunderstandings arise because we do not pay attention to what is said, left unsaid, or said between the lines. We forget how to be sensitive when the focus is all me and mine, and not on the other. Many problems arise because we react angrily to supposed insults and supposed put-downs. If only we took a step back and observed where all the negativity is arising from, we can easily settle the issue. Such tools to deal with the world are taught to elder professionals as part of peace and conflict studies, not as a part and parcel of regular education as it should be. If done right, we can actually bring more peace and harmony into the world as we would be moulding children into adults with a mature outlook and behaviour.

Now a major issue at the gurukulam was that we had women from all over the world from all walks of life but many of them did not appreciate certain rules regarding their presence (or absence) in temples during certain days in a month. It was quite a task for seniors and other locals to talk them out of forcefully attending temple services during their time of the month. Some said it was totally fine as it was natural, others found it offensive that the whole gurukulam would know that they were ‘down’ when they did not show up for pūjā, others simply showed up without a care, and many used this as an excuse to rest (which is one of the reasons for prescribed rest during such days) but most did not get the concept of śauca, of ritual purity. Of course Pūjya Svāmīji gave different answers to different women depending on where they were at in their lives. To some women he might say – you can visit the temple but don’t chant, or you may visit only after showering, for others it would be; don’t visit dont chant, and so on. One fine day he was very clear during satsaṅga (paraphrasing):

Do not go to the temple if breaking a certain norm disturbs others, because you must respect what the other wants, do not cause disturbance in any which way. To adjust, to accommodate, this is what a sādhaka should be working towards. To not cause agitation in those who have śraddhā.

Go with the flow without disturbing anything. Individually you can and are free to practise what you will but in public spaces follow rules to maintain harmony. At a certain level none of this matters, but until then all of this does matter. The wise should not create discord in the minds of ignorant people, who are attached to certain actions.

नबुद्धिभेदं जनयेदज्ञानां कर्मसङ्गिनाम्
जोषयेत्सर्वकर्माणि विद्वान्युक्त: समाचरन्

na buddhi-bhedaṁ janayed ajñānāṁ karma-saṅginām
joṣayet sarva-karmaṇi vidvān yuktaḥ samācaran

People would be confused at the various answers given by Pūjya Svāmīji. They would expect him to be either all excusing or extremely strict. But this is not how great people behave, they do not conform to our idea of how they should be. I learnt an important lesson that I cannot expect my guru to be infallible, just as we must not expect god to be infallible. We were taught something very path breaking; īśvara is not infallible, so that we do not expect a perfect being called god who can do no wrong only to get disappointed the moment we see some wrongdoing in the world. We start lamenting, beating our chest and cry; how can a god in heaven allow this to happen! Instead we say; that which is infallible is īśvara. Although this seems contradictory, pay attention to what we consider infallible: not a figurehead who can do no wrong, because when this god allows something terrible in the world, we express anger and disappointment. Instead what we actually consider infallible is that which is so, that which never fails to show up and do what it is supposed to do, that which is always working and for everyone, not just for a select group, and that which makes sure we are offered just desserts come what may if we go against the universal law.

This is the ‘order’. This order is infallible. And this is what we treat and accept as god. For example we say dharma is the manifestation of īśvara. Karma is the manifestation of īśvara. These orders are infallible. Just as Sūryā rises or sets on time, just as it rains in the monsoon season without fail, just as the birds fly home to roost at sunset, and the flowers bloom in spring, the order of life cannot be overridden and this ‘order’ is īśvara. Everything is in order, the order cannot be negated. The Prime Mover, as Svāmī Tattvavidananda ji addresses the infallible entity, never makes a misstep. So we waltz along with this perfect partner towards appreciating our fullness, our pūrṇatvam. Even as we work our way through life.

One way to tango with life is to have no resistance or insistence viz anyone’s behaviour (unless it is adharma, of course!), we can easily keep them outside, this way they will not occupy our mind. Typically, we allow others into our mind with our agenda, our judgments, our preferences, our prejudices, insistences and resistances, this is indicated by continued mental preoccupation. Pūjya Svāmīji would encourage us to give others freedom to be who they are, the freedom we have is directly proportional to the freedom we give others. If others occupy our mind during nididhyāsanam or dhyānam this means that we are not giving ample freedom to them to be, which will impede our own freedom in owning up our true and best selves. This teaching for me was the most transformative. Letting people be is the best thing we can teach today’s youth thereby helping them to accept people as they are and to live harmoniously in a diverse society. A lot of issues of the youth stem from peer pressure and the need to conform, these can be easily avoided with such insights.

One of the practical ways to imbibe such high philosophy is to internalise them via various practises. Once Svāmini Svatmavidyananda ji gave us a difficult exercise; try going through this day without saying ‘no’ she instructed, count how many times you say ‘no’ even for fun. No is a negative word, unless we are drawing boundaries against adharma. Be a ‘yes’ person, say ‘yes’ to life and living. What does this simple task teach us? It makes us positive, and to be optimistic, it helps us go with the flow, to play with life, and not look at it as a ‘you only live once’ scenario full of angst and anxiety, suffering from the ‘fear of missing out’. Although paradoxically, assuming that we have only one life and therefore we must make the best of it as soon as we can or else we are sure to miss out on all that we can experience would make us say ‘yes’ to everything that comes our way, in regular life such an irrational fear and inconsistent though process (as compared to a thought process consistent with the teachings of our sacred texts) makes us shy away from life. We tend to choose actions and people as per our deep seated patterns which may prove detrimental to our wholesome growth. We also tend to say ‘no’ more to be able to say ‘yes’ to activities and relationships that were traditionally forbidden (with good reason). For example we will have to say ‘no’ to a daily disciplined lifestyle if we are to say ‘yes’ to a late night rave with drugs and alcohol. By saying yes to life affirming actions we automatically drop everything else that impedes our real growth.

There are many teachers out there who inspire their students, there are many institutions too that enable their wards to bloom to their fullest but there is no place like a gurukulam which does it all, as a matter of course, because it embodies a vision that is pūrṇam. A gurukulam showcases the thālī culture of the East as Svāmīni Svamavidyananda ji says, as compared to the la carte culture of the West, it teaches us to accept with gratitude, and to enjoy what is given as grace. Not whining when my special needs are not met, not feeding the ego or the aham at every step, not asking, ‘what do you want’ to a two year old baby thereby concretizing the child’s individuality. We believe in sublimating our egos. In making our ego a part of the total such that it does not rear its ugly head of ‘me, me, me’.

When this small two-bit ego is neglected the Self rises, this is good for the world because the Self is non demanding, it is non competing, it identifies with everything and everyone and creates a one-ness, moving away from differences.

Knowing what I do now, and having learnt it in the lap of the śāstra and my gurus, Pūjya Svāmījis AIM for Seva anthem kuru sevām tvam encouraging all of us to do what is to be done for our community and the world makes complete sense.

All this and more I learnt from my gurus.